“Gonna prick ya,” said Tater Skin, a dwarfish man that lives outside of the Los Angeles Convention Center, continuing with a grimace, “Gonna give you AIDS, erm, JFK, erm, Challenger mission.”

And so begins a forty-minute tirade that will clarify the true design, application and agenda for Nintendo’s latest peripheral, the Wii Vitality Sensor, a small white plastic device that looks like a cousin of a standard heart monitor.

“They put a needle in that there vibrator thing,” says Tater with the authority only familar to a man that chews on his beard. “Then it takes your blood. And your fingerprint. Puts it on the internet; sends it away to the CIA. And then they make a clone.”

Aware that he’s caught our attention, Mr. Skin goes on to illustrate the machine’s technical wizardry – the mood altering microchip, the geode powered core, the data transfer via alien heiroglyphs.

After the ffifteen minutes, our mysterious, dishelved source trails off into a rhythmic drone. We prod him for more. “I ain’t refusin’ a cheeseburger,” he replies.

We oblige.

With a full stomach, Tater Skin feels rejuvenated and tells us how he came upon this sensitive information. “I worked for that company. Was vice-president. Then I quit for this job. Oops, now I’m tired. Think I’m done speakin’.”

Desperate for an insight into the development process of what seems to be wildly dangerous innovation, we beg for more details about the project’s inspiration. “A secret recipe for cocaine printed on the Oxford Dictionary,” says Tater while he makes his bed out of a pile of soiled bathmats he’s found under the freeway. “But not the fake dictionaries. The real one in the New York Library. Erm, the one with the real definition of irony, before the gays changed it. They own this city.”