Great Court Cases in Video Game History
Thursday, 04/29/10

While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.

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E3 EXCLUSIVE: Vendor Outside Los Angeles Convention Center Debuts Sleeker, More Delicious Hot Dog Wrapped in Bacon

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

pakihotdogbacon

An implacable aroma wafts through the air outside Gate 2 of the Los Angeles Center, attracting a small crowd of anemic journalists and industry insiders to a tiny street cart planted on the sidewalk nearby. They are hungry from hours and hours of twittering and filming shaky footage with their tiny digital cameras. They drool all over their extra-large Meat Bun t-shirts; their glasses would be fogged up if they had any lenses.

They have a ravenous appetite for a bite-sized revolution.

Vikram al Zhari, a five-foot Pakistani dressed in burgundy plaid, reorganizes the meats cooking atop an aluminum tray, looking as calm as ever. He offers many different types of vegetables, cheeses, and meats to the crowd, but they show no interest in anything but his specialty: a hot dog wrapped in bacon that is sleeker and more delicious than any that have come before it.

“Only Vikram offer hot dog wrapped in bacon that can fit in mouth all at once!” Mr. al Zhari yells to the crowd.

“Only Vikram has perfected family recipe that make for perfect taste! Only Vikram offer hot dog wrapped in bacon for low low price of $139.99!”

Many in the crowd reach into their pockets and pull out cameras. They snap photographs of Mr. al Zhari’s pork-infused delight simmering on the cooker. Within minutes a dozen blog posts pop up on various blogs all over the internet, hailing the hot dog wrapped in bacon as “a carnivorous magnum opus” and “the bunless wonder.”

Mr. al Zhari offers Hardcasual his signature treat for free. “You make fun of Jews,” he says and spits on the ground.

Upon first sniff the mind is filled with memories of backyard bar-b-ques and mother’s home-cooked Sunday brunches. Upon first bite, the heart momentarily stops and cries a single tear for the future.

A new wave of exposition-goers pours onto the sidewalk. They are disappointed, mournful for the death of gaming, ready to bury their countless regrets under a mountain of saturated fat.

Mr. al Zhari looks out of the crowd and smiles. His gold front tooth glimmers in the California sun.

“Vikram is sure hot dog wrapped in bacon will boost first quarter profits for food stand outside convention center. Be on lookout for downloadable condiments in third or fourth quarter of next year!”