Hey, man, can you just spot me $30? Just for, like, a week. I get my next unemployment check on the 1st, right, and then it should clear on the 4th, so I’m good for it then.

Why do I need the money? What does it matter? Yeah, I know that the last time I borrowed your money I went out and bought another Nunchuck for my Wii. But I needed it, man, there was this girl at the coffeeshop I was totally sure was looking at me, and I started thinking about what would happen if we ever had a date, and then what would happen if she came to my house and said, “Oh, cool, is that a Wii? Can we play?” and I’d say, “Sure!” but then I’d remember that I only have one Nunchuck and that there were tons of games we couldn’t even play together and she’d walk out on me then and there.

What? No, I never did wind up talking to her. She wouldn’t be into me anyway. I just know it. She’s probably got a really great boyfriend who’s nothing like me. I don’t even think she was looking at me. God, why do I do this to myself…

Huh? Oh, yeah, the money. Like I was saying, this is important. There’s a eBay auction that’s closing in like 3 hours for a special Pikachu-edition Nintendo 64.

Wait, no, hear me out. I totally wanted one of these when I was a kid. They were basically the coolest thing in the world – and now, I look at it, and it just fills me up with all these feelings that I haven’t had since then. I mean, remember when you were excited about things? When everything seemed to be going your way? When life wasn’t just a series of terrible things happening to you?

Well, maybe you don’t feel that way, but I do. And I just know that if I had this Nintendo 64, then I would get a little bit of that back. Maybe just for a day or two.

What do you mean, does it come with the Squirtle controller? There’s a Squirtle controller? Oh man. Maybe… Maybe this will finally get me past breaking up with Margaret.

Yes, I know that was three years ago. You don’t know what it’s like. Fine, I’m going to ask my parents for the money. Maybe they’ll give me enough to get a new R.O.B. The Robot too.

Ted Chandler