Excuse me, pal, but I’m really really hoping you didn’t just tell me what to do. I can’t believe you’re talking to me like I’m some sort of parenting noob. Maybe you should go back to one of your Carebear games, because in this game that kind of talk will get you PKed pretty fucking fast.

You don’t seem me telling your stupid ass how to pull mobs, so why are you telling me when to feed my kids?

Hello?

Yeah, bro, I can hear them crying, too. Their bedroom is not four fucking feet away. I’m not deaf.

Let me teach you a little something about kids: most of the time they’re bullshitting you. They want attention. They want you to do shit for them just to see you do it. It’s stupid.

I bet you don’t have any kids. If you did, you’d know that it’s just not feasible to keep them happy for more than a few minutes. So what do we do? Shut off our ears until they tire themselves out and go back to bed.

Yeah, bro, I know I’ve been online for like sixteen hours. I’ve got a clan to run. I have people who depend on me. God, all you can think about is yourself! It’s really ridiculous. I hope someone stabs in you in your face some day.

Hold on, the cat is clawing at my jeans.

Do you want me to micromanage you all day? Because I can do that. I can give you a few pointers. For example, maybe you should stop pulling the hobgoblins through packs of Sarlids on your way over here? How’s that for a hint, you dumb bitch?

I’m no being overly defensive. Fuck you, faggot.

Fine. I’ll feed them some beans or something to tide them over. But not because you told me to. Because I love them.

Jeff Brandy,
Darkfall Enthusiast