Scott Fortstall, Apple VP for iPhone Development, led a press conference today sure to be exciting to the 20 million iPhone customers – and the 20,000 hardcore gamers amidst them. Forstall confirmed analysts’ expectations in one major regard – he confirmed that the iPhone would continue to be a strong market for mediocre ports with shitty controls.

Forstall brought onstage Neil Young of ngmoco:), the worst-named games company in the world, for the announcement of Micro Pets, an utterly horrible Nintendogs ripoff for the iPhone. Adding to the excitement for utterly braindead gamers who don’t give a shit about having fun, he announced a brand new feature for iPhone games: meaningless microtransactions.

“In Micro Pets, we open a whole world for gamers – a world in which there are pets you can interact with. Groundbreaking, right? But even assuming you were into that shit off the bat, let me tell you what knocks it out of the park – you can buy shirts. For your dogs. That’s right – dog shirts.”

The Dog Shirts, a $.99 microtransaction within Micro Pets, mark the first in a promising tradition in iPhone games’ ability to utterly screw over users. These shirts change the appearance of Micro Pets for users too rich, insecure, or both to just accept that their virtual pets do not need virtual, totally ridiculous clothes.

In a question and answer session after the announcements, Mr. Forstall added to the announcement, “From GTA IV to Resident Evil 5, we live in a world that depends on downloadable content. And when this technology moved to the iPhone, we wanted to make sure we captured it at its most awful and vapid.”

Mr. Young of ngmoco:), whose company’s Rolando horrifically ripped off the PSP’s LocoRoco, added a final thought. “Our company is, and has always been, dedicated to sparing no expense to make you pay out the ear for products that aren’t even our own. Enjoy the sensation of Rolando – because before you know it we’ll have another level for a mere $.99 (30% to Apple).”