I am heavy weapons guy. You see me out on battlefield, you better run. Today you do not run, because I have something I want to say. Normally I only talk about gun, Sasha, and how I use it to kill people, but today I want talk about something different. I want to talk about genital herpes.

I live with genital herpes for two years. I pick it up from ugly prostitute named Oksana who have lazy eye and hairy back. I am not shamed. I live with what I do. It does not affect my performance. I still kill people for a living and love it.

What makes heavy weapons guy angry is when teammates try to pretend they do not have genital herpes. I know, yes, not all teammate have it, but I am certain that scout and pyro are lying to me. I think pyro may have scabies too, but I have nothing to back up claim.

All I want is truth.

Team works in tight situation. Combat means we are in close proximity. Sometimes laundry mix. No big deal if everybody on team take medicine, but lie to your team, put them at health risk because you feel shame about making sex with ugly prostitute or because you touch privates with other man, then you are coward!

So take advice from man who knows best. Tell teammates about genital herpes. Lie to them and they will crush you. You do not want this. I may have burning sores on my little Trotsky, but I also have big gun and good aim.