Great Court Cases in Video Game History
Thursday, 04/29/10

While most gamers are all too familiar with the Super Mario Bros., few remember the enigmatic Fantastic Steve Cousins. Accompanied by his cousin, Ralph, Fantastic Steve led players on a magical journey through the Sausage Fiefdom. When the Mario Bros. soared to fame a few years later, Fantastic Steve sued the plumber for stealing his act. Unfortunately, Fantastic Steve was found dead before the trial began, leading to further speculation on Mario’s involvement with La Cosa Nostra.

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San d’Oria To Lay Off Thousands Of Black Mages, Corsairs

Saturday, January 24, 2009

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The shake-up in Vana’diel continues as the Kingdom of San d’Oria has just announced that due to a faltering economy, thousands of black mages and corsairs will be losing their jobs at the end of the week. This news from Elvaan lands comes as another shock to citizens of Vana’diel who are still reeling from the over 550 adventurers who disappeared without a trace in the middle of the night.

“I was hanging out near the auction house in Jeuno when some of the upper echelon types in my linkshell started freaking out, and it wasn’t until I went to do some gardening that I found out that I had lost one of my jobs,” said Magicwizardman, a taru-taru who is currently employed as a bard. “I mean, I don’t do much as a black mage anymore, but it was nice to have it as an option. I can’t imagine how hard this is hitting those guys who went through all the trouble of getting Laevateinn.”

Members of the black mage and corsair communities have banded together to petition San d’Oria and are currently seeking legal representation in the Federation of Windurst.

“Black mages and corsairs are staples of the adventurer community,” said Carthurian, one of many humans who lost two jobs today. “They’re the backbone in the war against the Zilart, or Bahamut, or what have you. To unceremoniously dump them is a grievous error on the part of the d’Oraguilles. If I was the Shadow Lord, I would certainly see this as a prime opportunity to conquer the world. I’m not the Shadow Lord, though. I want to make that clear. I am not the Shadow Lord.”

In response to massive protests all across Vana’diel, a spokesknight for the d’Oraguille family released this brief statement:

“After several of our best-equipped men disappeared overnight with nary a word as to where they were going, San d’Oria’s coffers looked rather light. The Royal Family had a decision to make and this is it. Perhaps Windurst will take them. That it is all. Disperse.”

Star Sibyl could not be reached for comment.