1.
“Regard your soldiers as your children, and they will follow you into the deepest valleys. Look on them as your own beloved sons, and they will stand by you even unto death!”

Regard your soldiers as competition. On rare occasions, they will steal kills from you.

2.
“Do not interfere with an army that is returning home.”

Shoot an army that is returning home in the back with flaming arrows.

3.
“When the officers are too strong and the common soldiers too weak, the result is collapse.”

When the officers are too strong and the common soldiers too weak, the result is Lu Bu.

4.
“He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.”

He will win who surrounds himself with hundreds of enemy soldiers and uses his special attack.

5.

“Fighting with a small army under your command is no different from fighting with a large one: it is merely a question of instituting signs and signals.”

Fighting with a small army under your command is no different from fighting with a large one: it is merely a question of whether or not you have another fifteen minutes to blow before dinner.

6.
“You can ensure the safety of your defense if you only hold positions that cannot be attacked.”

You can ensure the safety of your defense if you slaughter everything that moves.

7.
“Should the enemy send reinforcements everywhere, he will everywhere be weak.”

Should the enemy send reinforcements everywhere, find some fairy wine – and quick!

8.
“To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the supreme of excellence. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the supreme excellence.”

To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is a supremely excellent weekend.