How many times did this conversation about the t-shirt take place over the course of the two and a half hour party in Sheila’s backyard? A dozen times, at least. Friends, family, the hired help – no one was spared the explanation. Those who made the mistake of lingering near the drink table rarely returned, and those who did did so hastily, as if a horde of wild animals was about to stampede through and there was only two minutes to pour a vodka cranberry.
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With God of War III’s release, the Kratos Trilogy has finally come to a close. While Hardcasual is really going to miss all the foot-slashing, we know that these are things a “mature” person shouldn’t enjoy. (And certainly no one under the age of eighteen.) We haven’t played it yet, though, because we plan on importing the Chinese version of the game: Mr. Bald’s Jumprope Tag Adventure!
You can hardly contain your excitement while collating copies and forwarding memos. What will it be like to join forces with Sazh? Great warmth fills your heart as you call your mother to cancel another dinner. Mom can wait; let’s spend some quality time with a baby chocobo that lives in an afro.
What would the level-headed Chomsky have to say about this? That’s right: “You never need an argument against the use of violence, you need an argument for it.” Well, Noam I can think of one good argument: the Japs started it! How ‘bout that, YOU PUSSY?!?!
“Then why aren’t you kids having fun? Don’t you like games anymore?”
Alex, the birthday boy, who no one had seen or heard approaching the table, spoke up in his loudest voice, “YEAH, LIKE FARMVILLE!” The Mitchell family jumped in their seats, as if startled by a gunshot. “I DON’T LIKE PLAYING THOSE GAMES BECAUSE YOU DON’T GET ACHIEVEMENTS OR ANYTHING SO NO ONE KNOWS HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT THEM.”
The tables, it seems, have been turned – at least in the eyes of 360Gamer4939. Whereas once, he had to resort to mudslinging like “GEM IS A GAY NAME” and “ROLE-PLAYING GAMES ARE FOR FAGS”, now he has a strong basis for his argument – the brief outage of an online service, for a portion of PlayStation 3 users. “The facts are finally 100% on my side – the Xbox 360 is clearly the better system.”
Only minutes after the concept art for the twenty-second Madden was revealed did relative unknown fourth-string guard Tim Duckworth begin complaining about an inner ear infection. Free Safety Darren Sharper injured his left knee accidentally kneeling down too quickly looking for the remote under his couch, and Outside Linebacker, Jo-Lonn Dunbar swatted a fly forcefully against his cheek dislocating his jaw. By the end of the weekend, twenty-three members of the Saints team had incurred minor fractures or dislocations.
“It was raining. Pouring, really. The kind of rain that makes it look like a Blastoise is right outside your office window. The kind of day you don’t use a Geodude or an Onix. The kind of day where the whole world is under a Jigglypuff’s spell. Maybe the Bulbas enjoy this. Not me.
“I was totally planning to “meet up with” Matt,” Mr. Wheat told us. “He and I were going to “hang out” and play the new Borderlands DLC “together” – I’ve been waiting for this for a while. But then the whole network went down, and how am I supposed to “connect” with him when I can’t even turn on my PS3?”
[all quotation marks have been added by the editor.]
The meeting’s audience, which consisted of equal parts videogame press and young Japanese girls in bikinis, attempted to hush their confused chatter. The room became quiet as Itagaki lit his thirteenth cigarette in as many minutes.
Detroit, Michigan
Gordon Freelander spotted chasing paparazzi off his driveway, who were snapping pictures of him as he fixed up his cherry red 1976 Ford Mustang.
“It’s a wider audience, Val,” he said. “Broad doesn’t mean bad.” What an asshole! I mean, look at you guys. You’re dressed in pastels! Is that so you can keep track of each other in dungeons? God, I fucking hope so.
Dynasty Warriors says: fighting with a small army under your command is no different from fighting with a large one: it is merely a question of whether or not you have another fifteen minutes to blow before dinner.
“As I understand Freud, dreams are just small concerns of the day made into images that point to deeper desires and fears. But I work in a bank. I can’t imagine what goes through my mind at work that would make me dream of a tree with a boner nose making me swallow apples and spit them back at his face.”
Dalaran, 23:10 GMT
As they washed Hippogryph shit out of their Tier 7 helms, two tauren adventurers promised themselves that they’d never exchange jewelcrafting tips beneath a flight path ever again.