“I need something to place under that fourth leg,” says Studemeyer in an highly sought interview awarded to Hardcasual. “Something not too big and not too small. It can’t be precious to me, that would be a waste. And it can’t be worthless, that would be an eyesore. Oh, and factor in the day to day wear and tear; this has to be replaceable, no, make that updatable. Yes, that’s right. What I really need is a throw-away discussion piece.”
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Charlie was astonished when Morhaime opened the vault door. He had never seen so many cubicles in his life! “This is where we make the magic. Go ahead, touch any of the employees. They’re real. Just don’t ask them to stop working.”
“I’m deeply sorry to my fans and my family, and anyone else who I may have hurt through my reckless quest to quench my thirst,” Mr. Wendel says. “I recognize that my actions have ramifications and hope that in time you will find it in your hearts to forgive me. I feel like I’ve fragged each and every one of you.”
According to a report on the incident by the Irvine Police Dept., none of the three had a history of depression or psychosis except Erik’s brief stint on Lexapro during the late 1990s.
Some may say that the writing in Red Faction: Gorilla is “lacking in depth,” or that it “may have been written by a seven-year-old whose only knowledge of a gorilla came from a ripped up ZooBook.” We here at Hardcasual, though, praise the writers for giving players what they want – a true summer blockbuster of a game, and one not afraid to spend its first three hours mainly concerned with an elaborate poop-hurling mini-game.
Evan Williams, the CEO of Twitter, told us, “We always hoped that Twitter would give games journalists a platform to express themselves. To express themselves as racist, homophobic, gossip-mongering twats with a desire to profit off the dead. We also added the favorite feature for the possibility that someone could call a dead person ‘a plastic chunk of child molestor’, which is both offensive and horrible, and yet the best possible use of Twitter.”
The placard placed in front of the coat hanger peripheral says nothing more than “Coat Hanger Add-On, Release Date TBD.” The object itself is attached to the standard Wiimote, plugged in at the bottom of the device where the nun chuck is typically inserted. Hanging from it is a pair of snazzy brown slacks.
Tehran is the largest city in the Middle East. It has the second largest population in the world with 18,587,453 people. It is home to hundreds of historic mosques, churches, synagogues and Zoroastrian fire temples, all of which will realistically crumble into nothingness when blown up with an RPG.
LaBeouf and I had convened earlier that night for drinks. The young actor, a long-time fan of Hardcasual, candidly dished about behind-the-scenes shenanigans on his latest film, Transformers: Rise of the Robots. But LaBeouf, an otherwise genial young-man with a passion for toilet lid artistry, got salty when conversation clandestinely turned to Boom Blox.
“I told Steven [Spielberg] I refuse to do another Indy until he quits the childish shit,” says LaBeouf. We laugh, thinking this must be a joke, but LaBeouf continues, “You wanna know how the hardcore play Boom Blox? Real explosives. City blocks.”
The man, who looks to be around fifty years old, with ratty bleached hair and large scar across his right cheek, told Hardcasual that his name is ‘Jesus Motherfuckin’ Christ’ and that he is trying to collect enough change to print his own version of the Bible. According to Mr. Christ, he has been on this corner for three years now and has no plans to relocate.
An elderly man ran the red light outside my post office at 11:17 this morning. At 11:18, I followed him at high speeds: north on Burlesque, west on Manganese and north on Frankfort. At Quartz Street, I followed the elderly gentleman through a red light, and used my Cavalcade FXT to force his Blista Compact into Middle Park Lake.
I have reason to believe the man drowned. I believe this because he swam to shore, where I held his face under water until his body went limp. I also stole his wallet. And then I buried him in the embankment.
The much-loved magazine reached over half a million subscribers at points in its history, almost all of whom read its insightful reviews, exclusive previews, and probing commentary while pinching a loaf. The magazine’s presence on the top of a toilet was the sign of any devoted gamer, and an instant red flag to any woman visiting the reader’s apartment.
Incensed Nintendo loyalists filled message boards to offer constructive criticism like “want my binky” and “me make ca-ca.”
Judges Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden, and Piers Morgan, as well as a confused and captivated audience at the Sydney Opera House, watched for six full minutes as Mr. Ho played through one of the hardest levels in the game without uttering a word.
